Lola's Page
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Champers, manicures and Dolly Parton!
After the Golden Handbag Awards and the knowledge that we pulled off a successful night, I awoke feeling a bit flat. Normal after such a big event but thankfully help was at hand in the form of Rupert as he arrived to pick me up to take us both to London to see the 1st Lady of Country Music - Miss Dolly Parton!!
Rupert had planned the day and first off was Harvey Nichols, as he had booked us in for a 15 minute manicure at the champagne nail bar. now Lola might wear nails, but I really don't fuss over mine at all, so this was a new experience for me. And if the truth be told, men faffing over every part of their body doesn't really do it for me, but this afternoon was a blast. Probably due to the champagne on offer!
However, it was probably more to do with the woman who greeted us. Blonde hair, two toned and rat tailed at the back. Add to that, far too much collagen in her top lip, plus false tits. A grey jumper, with a large plunged neckline, highlighting the false tits, over black trousers, with a big black cummerband belt and flat ballet pumps. Not that i took much notice of her, you understand! She sat us down and gave us some champagne plus some hand cream with collagen in. She told us that the hand cream would plump our hands up and make them feel bigger. I told Rupert that I should flog this at a fisting club. Make a fortune!!!
Five minutes later, she told us that she wouldn't be able to fit us both in as one of her nail technicians had gone home sick. It was then that I caught sight of the 2 nail technicians. Both hard at work with clients, but keeping an eye and ear on everything she was saying to us. Rupert pointed out that we had booked in advance and why couldn't they fit us both in. This question seemed to baffle the woman, and she turned into a parody of a Victoria Wood character before escaping to talk to someone else and book them in for an appointment that she clearly didn't have to offer! The nail technicians told us that they could fit us both in, no matter what 'the lady' had told us. I asked why they didn't know her name. Apparently she was new and still finding her feet, but clearly wasn't making much of an impression on the rest of the staff. Particularly when she decided that water at the wrong temperature was more important than clients with botched appointments! Still it was a very camp afternoon and set us up nicely for the rest of the day.
Next stop was Harrods which was a place I used to work at before I disovered showbiz! It hadn't changed much at all. Same poncey rules about cameras, jeans, rucksacks. The staff even wore the same namebadges! Bought some Prada aftershave. Caught up with a couple of friends still working there and then we headed back to Harvey Nicks and the fifth floor restaurant, before making our way to Wembley Arena.
Dolly Parton is a legend and I had booked the tickets as soon as I could. By a stroke of luck, we were in the front block, 20 rows from the stage. As we made our way in, I couldn't help but looking at the punters and making comparisons to other concerts. When I saw SClub7, the bulk was obviously teenagers; Kylie attracted the gays but Dolly attracted the most eclectic group of people I'd seen. Lots of queens, naturally, but also lots of young straight women with a boyfriend/husband in tow, who clearly didn't want to be there. Then there were the older straight couples with a penchant for country music but it was the groups of people who looked like they had organised an outing from the local line dancing club! There were Dolly stetsons, waistcoats and cowboy boots a go go everywhere you looked.
The show was fantastic, although Wembley is soooo not the place to see her. Very uncomfortable on the backside. Dolly appeared behind her band of 8 and 3 backing singers in a fitted jacket and skirt all gold and glitzy, looking like a very camp yellowcoat from Hi-De-Hi! She tore through 'Baby, I'm Burning' and '2 Doors Down' to open with much to everyones delight. As the first half continued, she talked as much as she sang with stories of her family life and why songs had been written. She also played instruments! She leapt from piano to guitar via the banjo and harmonica. The second half continued much in the same vein although she was now in a white trousersuit, which covered up the skinniest legs I've ever seen. 'Jolene', 'Nine To Five', Islands Cross The Stream' (no Kenny Rodgers though!) were all sang as was 'I Will Always Love You'. Before she sang that she told us the campest story about Elvis wanting to cover it. Dolly was all for it until Colonel Tom Parker told her that Elvis wanted a share of the publishing rights. Dolly said that her songs were her children and there to provide for her when she was old, and given the amount of money she made from Whitney Houston's cover, Dolly is a wise shrewd business woman! So Elvis never got to sing it, and Dolly wrote a song about not working with Elvis which she performed for us. I have to say that it was the most toe-curlingly, buttock clenching awful 4 minutes of my life, as this man came on dressed as Elvis and mimed his way through this song. Apart from that it was a fabulous night and well worth the ticket money and the queue into and out of the car park!
There aren't many legends left and I'm so glad that I can tick Dolly of my list of people I want to see, and have been glad that I did.
# posted by Lola Lasagne : 2:56 PM
